OmaHalf - A 13.1 Mile Existential Crisis

Blogging to keep track of my races and feeling is seriously hard for me.  I sit down and look at the screen and draw a blank.  Then I go to lay down or drive some where and BAM, tons of stuff I want to make sure I put down.  So this might be a mess of thoughts and feelings.  Or not.  We'll see.  I suck at editing.  ;)

Saturday, April 14th, was my first official Half Marathon (OmaHalf).  It was also the day Winter Storm Xanto was predicted to hit Omaha.  Yay.  There were thunderstorms/tornado watches to our east and blizzard warnings to our west.  I was also battling a chest cold/sore throat the week before. There was no way this was going to be pretty.  There was also no way I was not going to do this because I'll be damned if I'm going to shell out $49 bucks for a pretty shirt only.  I want that medal too.  I am that petty.  

And let's face it, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to afford the Halfsy or Nebraska Marathon Half this fall.  If I didn't try it now, I was really going to regret it.  My stupid brain works in wonderful ways.  

I woke up that morning to a glorious cough and green phlegm.  Sorry to be gross but I want to set this up perfectly so when I feel bad about the results, I can look back and go oh yeah, life was against me.  I loaded up on DayQuil, throat spray and packed a ton of cough drop and Kleenex. Ziploc snack baggies for the win!  

I decided to use my water back pack.  I know that you're not supposed to use new gear on race day.  I also knew that I needed the electrolytes over plain water if I wanted to stay standing.  If you need a suggestion for a good pack, hollar.  It also provided my keys/id/meds/first aid kit perfectly with no dampness.  

The OmaHalf is an out/back which is nice because you can park near by and just sort-of roll to you your car when your done.  I got there early enough that I literally was just across from the finish line.  It made it nice since I could also keep sucking on my coffee with out worrying about not being able to store my mug away.  

I lucked out finding a few people from my MRTT/SRTT group.  I'm used to being alone with this stuff but it helps the soul a bit when you know there's others there going through it with you.  That's not to say I don't have a good support system with my friends, family and online people I know.  They effing ROCK when it comes to holding me up.  But it's different when someone is there physically giving you a hug and a high five.  More on this later.  I did finally find people from OMNE too.  

I have mixed feelings about out and backs some times.  I like it because I can keep my online people posted when I pass each turn around.  I hate it because I have already seen everyone pass me.  Now I'm seeing them pass me again.  I suppose it's better than being lapped.  

Going out the first half wasn't terrible.  The wind and drizzle was at my back so I made sure to use it.  I wanted my overall average around 14/mile which meant using the wind and picking up my pace a bit.  The Keystone trail is really rather pretty for being so "industrial".  I'm not sure how to explain that but it goes through some creepy industrial business areas where there's >nothing<.  I almost would prefer the open fields since at least that has wild life.  

I'm not sure what was going on by Horseman Park but I kept hearing gunshots.  I'm assuming it was something with Trap shooing since no one was freaking out.  I honestly was feeling pretty good.  I was doing 2:1 intervals like normal.  This too comes into play later.  

The 10 mile turn around started getting tough mentally for me.  This is where pretty much "everyone" was coming back.  This is also where the wind picked up and the sleet started in.  I think this is also where I started "singing" Lily Allen's F*** You.  I may have been hallucinating though.  

I got a few more high fives but at this point, I'm legit officially alone.  I'm used to being alone.  I'm an only child.  I try not to depend on people because they a.)disappoint me and leave me to deal on my own anyhow or b.)it's just easier to learn how to deal on my own.  It sucks, but you just do it.  This isn't a pity party, it's just how it is. I train on my own, I race on my own, I'm just on my own.  

There were people in front of me I could see, sure.  There were also people behind me.  In fact I crossed the halfway check point with two other women (we took the last three spots in the women's half).  But aside from that, it's me and my brain.  I know people say not to run with music but I really think it was my saving grace to stave off the morbid lonely feeling.  

The wind was insane.  The rain started turning into sleet.  My lungs hurt from the cold and my cold.  I couldn't tell if my nose was running or if it was the weather. The volunteer stations were pretty much abandoned.  Mile 10 wasn't so bad. I didn't want to quit as I just wanted to be done.  I sang along in my head to Led Zepplin, Queen, Linkin Park, and so many more.  I know Rammstein came on around when I was desperately waiting for 11.  That helped since well, angry sounding music moves an angry bunny LOL.  

Somewhere in those last 3 miles, I messed up my timer and didn't realize it.  I started doing 1:2 intervals.  I still stayed on pace which was a bloody miracle at this point.  The last mile and a half or so, I could see the spire thing at Stinson park.  I focused on that which I probably wasn't the best idea.  I forgot that I still had to go down by St Mary's to cross over.  At least I had The Who's Won't Get Fooled Again to bring me in the final stretch.  My last running interval brought me my Green Day's Brain Stew and I thanked the universe.  

Long Run playlist

And like that, I was done.  The volunteer gave me my medal and pointed me to water.  There were no sponsors left, no one except a few volunteers to cheer me in, no one from the running groups.  I am alone.  

That fact hit me really hard at that moment.  It's not like I'd expect anyone to stand out in that weather.  No one owes me that.  And gord knows I got a ton of love from friends/family/online people which means the world more than they'll ever know. I have the best support that way! I know I am supported.  

I have never felt so small and insignificant in my life than at that moment.  I just completed 13.1 miles in driving wind with rain and sleet, a painful chest cold, and in 3:06 with just me.  There's a metaphor for life in there.  It's gonna be cheesy but there's an even bigger metaphor for getting older in there too.  

Over all, it was an amazing but horrible experience.  My chest and throat are still protesting and I just want to sleep.  While I've warmed up, my skin is still puckered and wind burnt.  I haven't been able to get my contacts in yet.  And yet, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.